I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
4 words: hood of his car
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
