So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Randomize
