Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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