why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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