You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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