Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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