I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
