Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
