oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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