i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
