I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
