I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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