Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Randomize
