'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
