He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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