we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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