a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Randomize
