just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
