Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
