I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
