i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
