He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
