So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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