Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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