I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
