I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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