I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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