you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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