I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
