Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
