i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
