dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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