I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
