We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
