you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
