Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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