I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
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