just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
