Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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