I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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