Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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