Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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