found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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