Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
