Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
