Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
