Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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