But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
