Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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