bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
These tits shall not be calmed
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
