my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
