it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
